Prayer and Praise Wall

 

My name is Matthew Woodard, I am married to Aleha Woodard and we have a total of 5 children, 4 of which live with us. Right before the shutdown, On February 27, 2020 I lost my job.  I was devastated because they let me go after my supervisor reported me for following the instructions that he gave me. Needless to say I was mad and I didn’t want to have to deal with this situation. I called my wife and told her what happened. When I got home we started talking and rather than getting upset we turned on some praise & worship, went to God in prayer and let it go. I began looking for work but, I stopped on March 9th when my mother-in-law woke up coughing up blood and barely able to walk . We rushed her to the hospital and they admitted her. After about 6 hours my mother-in-law told me that the doctor’s came back and said she had stage 3 lung cancer and she had 5 to 10 years to live. The news tore my house apart. Once she was released we brought her home with oxygen, trying to adjust to this new way of life and then shutdown began. I began praising God that I lost my job because with my mother-in-law’s condition I was there to take her to all of her appointments and help her with anything she needed which wound up being a blessing because, the 5 to 10 years that we thought we going to have with her turned into 4 weeks and she passed away from stage 4 lung cancer on April 6th. The amount pain that my family felt in that moment was insurmountable and it may not be this way for others but, even with all of the pain it was the biggest blessing was to be in quarantine and to be able to grieve in peace. God stayed with us through all of it and comforted us in a way that I can’t even begin explain. When my mother-in-law passed away we picked up some financial expenses that we weren’t prepared for especially since I hadn’t started working because I was caring for her but, God continued to carry us and provide every one of my family’s needs. There were times that we didn’t have food or money for a bill and God would send someone to us that would meet that need without us ever having to ask. This was the first time I had seen God move in my life without me having to ask and I believe it’s because we just stayed in praise & worship no matter what we felt. On April 9th I began working again, it wasn’t the job I wanted but, I couldn’t just sit in the house, I needed to provide for my family. I started making a little more than minimum wage and after 90 days they gave me a $1 raise. Around Labor day I started feeling like it wasn’t working at the job and I was going to start looking again but, I really didn’t want to because I enjoy what I do. A few days later was payday and money was getting tight again. My wife called me at work and said she felt like I was going to start looking for something else and I told her what I was feeling. We said we were going to talk more at home and she said “Ok, let me pay my tithes and then I’ll be on my way”. By the time she got to my job I had been pulled into a meeting with management and they had informed me that I was getting a promotion and my salary is about to almost double, I told my wife and she took off running!!! I know this quarantine has been hell for a lot of people (us included) but, I am so grateful that God is here with all of us providing for us, all we have to do is love on Him and keep your eyes on Him. HE REALLY DOES gives you the peace that surpasses all understanding, HE REALLY DOES supply every need the key is not allowing yourself to be consumed by the cares of this world and seek His face no matter how hard the situation may be.

God has been speaking “Forgiveness” to me this week. I immediately knew it was for my Dad. This is going to be harder than I thought, so please keep me lifted as I figure out exactly what that looks like for our relationship.

I pray to be reunited with my children before the year is out!!!! Please stand in prayer with me.

I’m thankful because of who He Is. He is both Lord and Savior; and He Loves me.
His unfailing Love gives me strength to love myself, knowing that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. His unfailing Love causes me to not only love my neighbor as myself but to also love the Brethren; my sisters and brothers in Christ. His unfailing Love causes me to love those that I know do not love me.
I am ever grateful and thankful for His Love ❤

I’m thankful for our home. God has blessed my children and I with a beautiful 5 bedroom home… I had been praying, looking for 5 years.. I would come close then it would be something with my credit or another… I almost gave up but God open doors for us and things started working in our favor … Were truly blessed because I had Covid in July and I was still able to push my paperwork for our home without seeing the loan officer and we closed in September… God will do it, on his time… #Goddidit!!!

Veronica B.

I left Miami, FL in 2018, with my wife and 2 year old son at the time in hopes of starting over after an attempt to go into vocational ministry failed. I had quit my full time job too soon which left my family and I in a financial rut. While living in Charleston, SC God started to answer prayers that I have been praying for more than 13 years. In 2019 I finally became a U.S. Citizen, graduated with my B.A. in Pastoral Ministry and went on my first international Mission trip to rural parts of Matlapa, Mexico for a week, fully funded through raising funds (so many praise reports in this trip itself) Glory to God. And my wife and I finally bought our first home with less than $3,000 to close the loan. We were shocked. As we tried in Miami to buy a home, but it always required $15,000 or more to close a loan. What I just wrote is praise report worthy itself. But in this year (2020) was supposed to be even a bigger year for my family and I. You can probably guess with the way 2020 went, it wasn’t big for us. I secured a full time ministry job position working in family ministry at a local church in Miami. As you can imagine my wife and I were excited to go back to Miami as we missed our close friends and other things. Unfortunately 6 months into the job position I was fired. I had some disagreements with my direct ministry leader with the way she rudely communicated with people and eventually to me. I had an anxiety attack ( as I also was dealing with 2020 things that were happening) and blew up on my Ministry leader while I tried to communicate to her I didn’t appreciate the way she was speaking to me. While it was great I stood up for myself I communicated in an unprofessional way. And though I apologized and owned up to my actions, it was a veteran employee (who had it out for me) against the newbie and the church fired me the next day. I was crushed, embarrassed, lost even. For me getting a full time job in ministry meant a lot to me. You see when I was single and a young(er) adult I had dreams of going to seminary school and work in vocational ministry, just wanting to be knee-deep in ministry work. My dreams were crushed back then as I was undocumented and couldn’t afford to pay three times the international tuition rate to go to college. And when I tried to “work” at several churches, they either took advantage of me by making me work without pay or when I inquired about employment they found out that I was undocumented and quickly cut ties with me. I’ve seen some pretty ugly sides of a lot of different churches. I’m surprised I still even want to work in one still. I guess it is because of my strong desire and pull to talk about God and connect people to the loving God that has been taking care of me all these years. Whenever I felt like giving up, God would tell me “I have brought you this far.”. Which was a reminder to me that it was God along, this whole time, my reason of living. I’ve seen him come through many times in a mighty big way. And I know he will come through again. Still even now he provides. Because my bills are getting paid my family and I are healthy, we have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. Even I have tried to not want to work in ministry, the desire always comes back. I know God will come through. He is faithful.

Last year I was diagnose with non-smoker lung cancer I’m taking chemotherapy a CT scan is required several months down the road from the chemotherapy. When I went to see my MD. it was told to me that there was another mass found on my lung. Was unable to say if it was cancer or not so I was put on antibiotics to treat it as though it was pneumonia. Redid the CT scan and was told that the mess was gone and that the chemo is removing the cancer mess!!!!! Praise the Lord! God is good I confess his promise words and take communion everyday. The enemy is defeated Ezekiel 37:14 I will put my spirit in you and you will live!!!!! Ps 91:16 I shall live and not die with long life will I satisfy you and shew you my salvations!!! Amen to God I give the glory!!!

21 Day Fast: Day 1 Give Thanks in all things
So today is the first day of the 21 day fast. I figure I can start with marking the daily thanks on the praise wall each day. So today January 11, 2021 I am thankful that God has ordered my steps. It don’t much look like it, it don’t much feel like it, and I sho don’t much like the look and feel of it…but – nevertheless, here I am like the old spiritual the church mothers would sing (when the saints were alive in the church) “I’m still here, I’m still here I made it through, so can you…” I thank Him that He is Eheyeh Asher Eheyeh [I am that I am] that He spoke my end before my beginning, that He has planned for me a future and hope, that He spoke his Ruach into me and then proclaimed that nothing returns unto Him void. Therefore I MUST accomplish his work in me. I thank Him today that though I feel like I am wandering aimlessly in a wilderness space at this moment, that I feel abandoned and left as food for the ravens, He knows my exact coordinates and has sent those ravens to provide me meat in this very wilderness. Though people I put my trust in use this trial for evil, God is using it for my good. He is forcing me to chew on and digest his word to feed my faith for there is no milk or bread in this time that season has passed. I thank Him that ALL things come together for my Good because I love Him and am called according to HIS purpose. I thank Him that he is using this time to hide me while he renews a right spirit in me for the work He has called me to accomplish that very purpose, and people it must be a doozy of a purpose cause this [fill in the blank] is a mother! But I digress. More than anything on this first day of the 21day fast on the 11the day of this New and (to the naked eye) not so improved season, I thank Him that he made himself known to me from a very small child in ways that I could never explain. Ways visible to my grandmother and mother my Lois and Eunice, the hands of women who he called into the earth to raise up a generation to know him. So – though I am being tried in ways that are changing not only my posture and my stand, but my wait (ugh…the waiting y’all) – I am Blessed that this season has brought me into remembrance of all these things. I am thank Him that when He as tried me I will be pure gold, a double edged sword. And though Jezebel’s threat seems to loom over my head, each day, each “this time tomorrow” I’m still here, being kept by His love, and since He has already spoken my end from my beginning I will not return to him void.

My mother and I have both been healed of Covid, her pneumonia has subsided and she is doing much better, praise God for His healing power, and thank you to everyone who prayed for her

Praise God for good health to my family and other loved ones.

Recently my father was experiencing severe symptoms and tested positive for covid19, like a lot of people he was told to go home and take vitamins. Approximately four days later his breathing became extremely labored. We took him to the hospital and he was admitted and was diagnosed with covid pneumonia. He was put on oxygen and was treated for seven days in the critical care unit in the hospital. He is now at home continuing his recovery. I thank God for all of you and all of your prayers. My dad does get short of breath when doing normal daily tasks but with Gods grace he is getting stronger every day. I am truly grateful.

Today after years of having to pay hospital and medical bills on the second day of our fast I got a call saying you will never pay a bill for medication, doctors or hospital ever again and they even giving me an allowance to use to get any over-the-counter medication or supplies I need for my health. Praise be to God on the 2nd day of the 21 day fast. I am blessed because I am obedient to God and not man and God is my best friend. When you obedient to the Lord and his word you will be blessed.

21 Day Fast: Day 2 Give thanks in all things

So today is the second day of the 21 day fast and I am continuing my praise wall tags of thanks. Today I thank God for a new revelation. As I said yesterday, I have been going through it. How ever this time in the wine press – if you will – has turned out to be like a continuous prayer closet on steroids. Oh the soul ties and alters to high places God will show you when your alone with only a soccer ball to talk to. We all have them and I’ve learned they are not the obvious ones like the regular sins we all know and dog each other out for. Not your house hold sins like gossip, jealousy, thieving, or the more popular themes such as porn or just plain mean spiritedness. No I’m talking bout the hidden ones that even you don’t recognize are hemming you in until God searches you and then shows you what he sees. For me they have been the high alter of fear and victimization. Allowing others to Gaslight me into backing down from what God has resourced me to do. You know King Saul bowed to that alter too and it didn’t fare well for him in the end. I hadn’t realized how easy it was for the Enemy to use people in high places and even people in not so high places to use you as a sacrifice unto themselves. What I mean by that is this, when people hold you close enough to monitor what you bring to the table but not close enough for you to see their hand, that’s a sign – your a shoe in for a scapegoat. I didn’t think well enough of myself to protect my assets, those being my gifts, the ones God given and my talents, the ones God expects me to invest and develop. People even religious church folk who may have some kinda spirit filled hearts but not Holy spirit filled hearts do recognize a good gift and talent when they see it. And if your not mature enough to know your own hand, you can very easily accidently on purpose trade it for red stew or like the third servant, burry it in fear of failure, or like King Saul – listen to the reason of the crowed over faith and obedience to Jehovah. Now I’m not saying God will tell you go out and smite some people all their Donkey’s and a King, but I am telling you that when he tells you no, but to keep from looking crae crae to groaning and moaning constituents you say yes, well that’s giving yourself as sacrifice. Its that simple and that hard at the same time. Oh but how wonderful it is to have a Jesus that intercedes for me like Moses did for Israel. To have an unrelenting God who hides me away until I am in the right mind to stand even in the face of “experts” and hold my own. Until I am strong enough in Him to handle the task He has equipped me for. I had no idea how NOT ready I was for such a supernatural untraveled path He has ordered my steps to tread until this season. So the first part of my revelation came in a dream. I won’t go into it but that I was assigned to 2nd Timothy. I have combed that scripture so thoroughly over the years since that I know it by heart. Though I must admit at first I argued for why and what exactly was I to look for? It didn’t make sense. Has anyone out there ever argued with a messenger of God in a dream? I wouldn’t recommend it. Shows you the posture of my spirit though. But I digress. Needless to say, that scripture had become my mantra I mean I could attribute any given circumstance I encountered to something in it down to my walk in a PhD program in Education, (a hot mess but that’s for the prayer wall), cause lord knows I no more wanted to teach than Timothy wanted to preach in Corinth and its has been just as contentious, but again I digress. My long drawn out three trips down a rabbit hole point here people is this – New revelation came to me today. As God has used this time to unravel the rope binding me to these alters it hit me “God has not given me the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind” DAH – ya think that would have been my first clue, but I really hadn’t understood high places in the context that God has shown me in this season. I hadn’t realized I had submit so much of myself to the alters of fear of other people who really – just wanted my crown. Do not let people gaslight you into thinking your diamonds are cut glass. If they are willing to cut your head of for it, you hold more value than you realize. So I am grateful and thankful for my time in the press God is a GREAT God and even though I felt and still feel invisible and driven out. He sees me and knows my end from my beginning. And baby when I emerge from this wine press… LOOK OUT!

21 Day Fast: Day 3 Give thanks in all things

We are ending Day three of the 21 day fast and I am tagging the wall thrice more with my thanks. Did I use that right? thrice? whatever you get my drift this is my third tag. Anywho today I am thankful for insight. As I vaguely indicated in my post yesterday, I am a dreamer. That is in my dreams I often have encounters with God. I have had this since I was a small small child. My grandmother would usually be the one to walk me through them and help me understand them, thought most times she would just say – “keep that in your heart and in the back of your mind until God explains it to you when your older”. She would always say, which I now know is a quote from scripture “He tells you these things so that when they come to pass you will know it was from Him” John 16:4. So all that said, for a time I stopped dreaming. I was worried that I lost my connection to God and then of course came the wilderness that I am currently in. However, much like my 2 Timothy assignment that came to me a short time ago, God has put me in remembrance of dreams I had as a small child and a couple I had in high school. Its almost as if God is answering my “why?” in old visions that made no sense at the time, but make perfect sense now. I find myself in prayer answering my own questions. I’ll lift something up and he will remind me or bring to my mind an old dream or vision and I respond with “Ohhhh that’s what that was about” or Ohhh that’s what that was, or that’s what that meant. Though more often lately Its been more like “REALLY God? You PLANNED for this to happen? But then when I think about it, if He did give me understanding when I dreamed them at age 5 or 10 or 15 would I have known what to do with that insight then? What was I gonna do? Not grow up? What was I gonna say “What Lord? Oh you can forget that Lord – take me now cause I’m not walkin that walk!” I don’t think so. So now I think my grandmother had more insight than she was letting on she just didn’t tell me what she knew. She did however teach me how and where to seek counsel in the Word. I like Joseph though had to learn and am still learning NOT to share my dreams with everyone. I have been burned, spurned and everything in between. But in this season God is giving me insight into people, characters, hearts, and affects of mistakes I’ve made. He is also showing me how long he has walked with me and how present he is in my now. So today – I am giving thanks for insight and all that it brings to my current faith walk. Even though all I see in front of me is a nearing cliff, which unfortunately was also a dream I had, I know I land on my feet without a scratch – though from what I remember the fall was terrifying, but that’s not the point. I land on my feet completely whole and God makes another way for me. This brings a whole knew meaning for “order my steps lord” Maybe I should have thought about that before I asked him to. His steps mean His way. Over the river and through the woods way, through the wilderness way, or over a cliff way, we just have to trust him with our walk. He has a destination set fourth and he has timed every step trust me…I’ve seen a few ahead of their time I just didn’t know what I was looking at. So Thank you Lord for your insight. I’m not ready for the fall, but I’m am prepared for it.

21 Day Fast: Day 4 Give thanks in all things

Well Saints, Its day four of my relentless tags of praise. Today I am thankful for a fresh outlook. As I have shared in my thrice post – yes that means three I looked it up – I have been wandering aimlessly in the wilderness feeling lost and discombobulated. God has thus far put me in remembrance that he has ordered my steps and even though he refuses to give me a clear map of where I am and where I am going (frustrating), he has already planned my end from my beginning. So I have been praying for what to do while I wander. And answer did he with a laundry list of to do’s, some of which seem REALLY far fetched, but who am I to argue, as I’ve shared in my second post I’ve tried that before and it wasn’t pretty. So as I embarked on my to do’s one of which was to organize all my writing and projects into a website I realized how much I had accomplished over the past few years. I have been so engulfed in self-defeat and imposter syndrome (that is when you start to believe you don’t really belong where God put you and you surrender to the negative messages others define you by) Yep its a form of self sacrifice to high places as I shared in that second post. In my submission to all the gas lighting I forgot all the things God has allowed me to accomplish. It reminded me of the point – His point, my purpose and that I can NOT waist anymore time wishing he would rescue me from the mission he sent me to fulfill. So Jeramiah of me to forget all that he has already done in me. So a fresh outlook that my walk has not been aimless, just in a holding pattern. I’m not less I am more. I thank him that he answers prayer however abstractly but when he wants you to see something he has the means to blind your eyes in order for you to see the vision. I have a ton of work to do before he lets me out of this wine press holding pattern in the wilderness but man it feels good to have fresh outlook in where I am until then. But for, now x marks the spot and I’ve got some surveying to do.

21 Day Fast: Day 5 Give thanks in all things

Tis day 5 of the twenty one day fast and todays tag of thanks for provision. I am late with my post and I only have 10 min to get it on the wall so I’ll make this quick. I have been through it and around it, over it and back down below it in my struggle to keep it pushin. I have given up all that I had worked for to begin a new walk because I thought I was called to it. But as I stated in my last post, the steps he ordered were not on a wide well trodden path. But I also asked Him for autonomy. OHHHHH did I NOT know that my definition of autonomy and His definition of autonomy were VASTLY different. Saints. So this has been a season of rejection, opposition, push back and denial. YET. He has sustained me and provided for me in the midst of it all. I am beyond the time I expected in my educational journey and I do not see the finish line. Yet, he has come through in every way. He has not let any opposition defeat me. He has given me a path through, around, over and under and nothing has stopped me yet. So today I and thankful for Gods provision. Its more than money, its perserverance, its diligence, its strength.

21 Day Fast: Day 6 Give thanks in all things

Its Saturday night and once again I am late to my own party (that is my tag the wall with thanks time). To be honest, it was a tough start today and I am having a hard time waxing poetic with my praise. The struggle is real and quite frankly I am once again exhausted with my wandering drift and woke up in a panic. But I got a subtle wink from God today. So today I am grateful for the God winks he gives me just when I need to feel his presence. I have been praying for concrete markers from God so I could have some indication to where exactly I am in this wilderness, the winepress thing is wearing on me. I mean its one thing to feel like your at the end of your line its a whole nother thing to see no end in sight (well except that cliff looming ahead of me). I woke up today feeling like the three lepers, I can’t go back – I’ve been banished and they’ll kill me, I can’t stay here – the brook is drying up and I’ll die (O.K so I’m mixing my scriptures just roll wit me), so I can only go forward into enemy territory and hope they have mercy on me, but enemy territory is that “CLIFF”! Instead of a camp, it’s a drop off into nothingness! Today honestly woke up in a paniced anxiety attack – so I got on my computer and sifted through old sermons, I needed to – not read- but hear the words of God. And LO I found “When the ravens come”. Now I posted a few times how God has and is sustaining me in this here winepress I’m in and I used the example of the ravens. But the scenario that Pastor used that stuck out was “know where” I may feel like I am nowhere in no mans land, but as he put it I’m “spelling it wrong” its “know” where, God knows where I am. Now I “know” that in theory and intellectually cause I “know” the word of God and I “know” that God is God, Eheye – Asher – Eheye, and that God is able, that has not been my issue. My issue is not nor ever has it been “can” He, its been “will” he for “me”. And even more so what? and when? So that sermon blessed me by putting me in remembrance again, both part one and part two. So today I am thankful for my God winks. Pastor said He is hiding me which is exactly what I mentioned in my own post! How fickle and forgetful our faith can be when we let our emotions rule us! God is not of time, time is of God and he doesn’t waist any of it. He hasn’t brought me this far to leave me. I’m the one who asked for autonomy and that means learning to lean into God and onto God and not my own understanding, or other peoples understanding. So I am grateful for his winks in my wait (UHG…the wait!). I have to grow on this meat from the ravens I have to trust his timing, I have to trust every step I take in his name. But oh how wonderful it is when he winks to let me know – “I put you here, your all right, just roll wit me, I AM time”.

21 Day Fast: Day 7 Give thanks in all things

Today I give thanks for premonition, revelation and insight. I received some news today that has taken away my breath, my words and my confidence. I am so bewildered right now that I don’t know what to pray. Just at a lost. How do you pray out of what God has shown you confirmation for. So in this instance, when I can’t see any good in this I have to just trust “all things come together”. I must do this Saints, even when I do NOT see how in anyway this could work out for my Good. I see maybe surviving it, but advancement from it? Nope can’t see the purpose in it. Yet it’s sure clear that the enemy got it’s way. “But God” said “all things”. So in this instance there is no praying it away, He showed it to me long ago. This is one of those “ah ha” moments, a remembrance when I say “OOOHHHH that’s what that was…. What? Wait – a – minute… REALLY God? you PLANNED this?” So no intersession here. “All things”. The only thing I can do is imagine my countenance if I hadn’t been prepared for it. I mean I thought it was looming, but I wasn’t really ready for it to be this. At this time. In this way. In the presence of and at the hands of these people. This is for most in the natural game over. “But God” showed me that I land on my feet and He makes another way albeit out of sight and out of mind of “those people”. If I’m really honest, “those people” are but alters in high places and I could never please them and live, nor could they ever validate me, I’m Gods. So premonition turns into revelation of a situation and insight into the posture of my spirit. Give thanks in “all things”, even the ones that bring death to a situation you thought was the life of a new thing. Only to find that the thing was a mirage, smoke and mirrors; merely an alter that needed to be torn down. There is no way out of a high place but to fall from it and God showed me I land on both feet with out a scratch completely whole. So I thank him for premonition, revelation, and insight. I also thank him that I belong to Him and He will never forsake me or leave me. My mother gave me to Him from her womb and my grandmother seconded the motion. So I’ve loved the Lord from the beginning of my memory and am called according to His purpose, what ever that is and how ever He sees fit to get me there. What ever it is it has to be above and beyond anything I can ask, think or imagine. Because He says so.

21 Day Fast: Day 8 Give thanks in all things

Well today is day 8 of the 21 day fast and 8 being the number of new beginnings I have embarked on a fast within our fast. I am relinquishing all solid foods for the next three days. I am pouring myself into three days of monkish solitude beyond the isolation I am already in. I had already cut television – too broke for cable so I didn’t have to worry about that anyway, so that just left radio and since I thrive on NPR (public radio) and that had to go too. I’m in a no noise at all zone. Total silence in order too really really zone into God. Cause Saint’s, after yesterday I really need a word and today, day 8 marked day one of the three day zero in zone. God has done some remarkable things in three days, so I am using that as my blue print for his response. All that said, I am thankful today for three things. One, the insane isolation I have been crying over that is enabling me to embark on these three days, two another wink from God and three perspective. In the aftermath of yesterdays setback I took a step of faith and made a bold move. After my tearful spiritual meltdown – you know those episodes where you fall into a screaming frenzied fit at God while simultaneously yelling at the enemy to flee? Yeah one of those moments. But you can’t hear God screaming and yelling at the air. So the only thing I knew to do is to take this fast to another level. That means relinquishing myself to a state where all my senses are open, my mind, my body, my spirit to hearing Gods whisper. I need my whole person to just be still, from my souls mind to my digestive system, to my nervous system to my spirit. So I am starving the body in order that the spirit will take the helm and put my soul to sleep that my mind will be to tired and week to argue. When I get weak, I lay down. If I get restless, I complete an unfinished chore or I read a scripture. But I schedule time to pray on a task I have on my list of break from the fear to-do’s. Today I took a bold step of faith to complete one of those tasks and what to my surprise did God show up in the response. Another wink. “Now Faith”. And in that He has opened my mind to the ways in which yesterday’s events are actually a blessing to my situation, perspective. It never dawned on me the plethora of ways God moves an obstacle out of your way. Sometimes it comes by promoting them out of your preview. Their blessing seems like a slap in your face, but I prayed for that blessing. First I prayed for the ability to pray for that person, cause Saints, It was NOT easy to pray for their good and not an old testament David “smite them all lord” prayer. But we are under new testament Grace and not old testament eye for and eye, so I prayed for myself to have a heart to be obedient what Christ commanded. NEVER-THE-LESS! When God actually blessed that person right in the midst of their misdoings, must admit, that hurt. It was suppose to be my “table in the presence of” not the other way around. It hurt hurt hurt a deep humiliating hurt. But as I said, God works “all things together for my good” because I ” love Him” and I “am called according to His purpose” And His ways are [most certainly] not my ways. I am coming around to seeing this persons blessing , this God move from a new perspective and also a check on my heart posture. So each day of these next two days I am going to pray on and complete a task on the list. This first one was an exercise in faith tied to the other persons blessing. We will see what kind of praise report that conceives in the next two days. so each day I will trust God with another step on my list. He is changing my perspective from a haphazard frenzied condition to a steady faith to faith ordered walk. Each step albeit forced, but necessary.

21 Day Fast: Day 8 Give thanks in all things

Well today is day 8 of the 21 day fast and 8 being the number of new beginnings I have embarked on a fast within our fast. I am relinquishing all solid foods for the next three days. I am pouring myself into three days of monkish solitude beyond the isolation I am already in. I had already cut television – too broke for cable so I didn’t have to worry about that anyway, that just left radio and since I thrive on NPR (public radio) that had to go too. I’m in a no noise at all zone. Total silence in order too really really zone into God. Cause Saint’s, after yesterday I really need a word and today, day 8 marked day one of the three day zero in zone. God has done some remarkable things in three days, so I am using that as my blue print for reprieve. All that said, I am thankful today, my first day of the 3 day fast within a fast zero in zone, for three things. One, the insane isolation I have been crying over that is enabling me to embark on these three days of ‘intentional’ attention without interruption, two another wink from God, a2nd three perspective in my pain. In the aftermath of yesterdays setback I took a step of faith and made a bold move. After my tearful spiritual meltdown – you know those episodes where you fall into a screaming frenzied fit at God while simultaneously yelling at the enemy to flee? Yeah one of those moments. But you can’t hear God screaming and yelling at the air. So the only thing I knew to do is to take this fast to another level. That means relinquishing myself to a state where all my senses are open, my mind, my body, my spirit to hearing Gods whisper. I need my whole person to just be still, from my souls mind to my digestive system, to my nervous system to my spirit. So I am starving the body in order that the spirit will take the helm and put my mind to sleep that my soul will be to tired and week to argue. When I get weak, I lay down. If I get restless, I complete an unfinished chore or I read a scripture. But I schedule time to pray on a task I have on my list of break from the fear to-do’s. Today I took a bold step of faith to complete one of those tasks and what to my surprise did God show up in the response. Another wink. “Now Faith”. And in that He has opened my mind to the ways in which yesterday’s events are actually a blessing to my situation, perspective in my pain. It never dawned on me the plethora of ways God moves an obstacle out of your way. Sometimes it comes by promoting them out of your purview. Their blessing seemed like a slap in my face, but I prayed a blessing over them. Well let me be clear, I first had to pray for the ability to pray for that blessing, cause Saints, It was NOT easy to pray for their good instead of an old testament David “smite them all lord” prayer. But we are under new testament Grace and not old testament eye for and eye, so I prayed for myself to have a heart to be obedient what to Christ commanded. NEVER-THE-LESS! When God actually blessed that person right in the midst of their misdoings, must admit, that hurt. It was suppose to be my “table in the presence of” not the other way around. It hurt hurt hurt a deep humiliating hurt. But as we know, God works “all things together for my good” because I ” love Him” and I “am called according to His purpose”. His ways are [most certainly] not my ways cause that is not how I would have handled that. None the less, I am coming around to seeing this persons blessing, this God move, from a new perspective and also a check on my heart posture. So each day of these next two days I am going to pray on and complete a task on the list. This first one was an exercise in faith tied to the other persons blessing. We will see what kind of praise report that conceives in the next two days. The next two days I will trust God with another step on my list. He is changing my perspective for a steady faith to faith ordered walk. Each step a necessary exercise and preparation for my purpose.

21 Day Fast: Day 9 Give thanks in all things

Hello Saints, we are in day 9 of our 21 day fast and as I stated in my post yesterday, I am in Day two of my 3 day zero in zone fast within the fast. No solid foods for three days until I hear from God. Though I had planned a reprieve of bone broth, thus far I have managed to stay the course on only water and weak tea. With that, today I am thankful for endurance. Not only endurance on this intentional zero in fast within the intentional fast, but in these two days I have realized just how much God has given me the strength to endure. Endurance leads to perseverance and that leads to the finish line. As I stated in my day 2 post God has breathed His ruach into me therefore I will finish this race because His word does not return unto Him void. I will complete what God has breathed and spoken into me because God cannot lie. Therefore, it can’t go any other way. In the silence, today was a good day of clarity. I am being reminded of things He has already shown me that I are now making sense to me. Man, if God would just speak plainly it would be so much quicker, but He loves His parables and similes and poetic abstractions. As such, there is no way I could even possibly lean onto my own understanding on what he is taking me through; I’d have a perpetual migraine and a nose bleed trying to make sense of it all in the natural. I simply have to wait on his revelation and insight. Lo and behold, through it all He has kept me, grown me, and fostered endurance in me. Like I sang before “I’m still here, I’m still here – I made it through – so can you”. New verse – “been through the fire” Sing wit me Saints, “been through the flame – I’m still here. I’ve been kept by His love”. To persevere is one thing, that’s pure survival, that’s to come out of it at the end, but endurance ya’ll, endurance is the middle. Endurance is Daniel in the lion’s Den not quite knowing what the bleep was going to happen before the Angel got there. Endurance is Esther at the Dinner with Darius across the table from Haman and not breaking her cover. Keeping her cool through the whole plan trusting that God had the plan for the parts she couldn’t control. Endurance is Paul and Silas in the prison singing hymns before the Angel showed up. Endurance is David biding his time in the wilderness being chased by a mad man who for some insane reason thought he could get around God. But David endured the running, the insults from people he covered, like Nabal, and his own mighty men who could turn on him on a dime. Not succumbing to his circumstances but instead developing leadership skills cause he always managed to have folk who would follow him over a cliff. Endurance is Christ from Friday till Saturday refusing to die until his appointed time. So, while this portion of my season has not been pleasing, its been full of spiteful, humiliating, rejection; being thrown under busses, being used for other people’s advancement and then kicked to the curb and pushed out into the wilderness. But at that river Cherith that pastor talked about, God has sent me ravens and put me through a season of learned endurance. Although I have no idea exactly what this training is for, and though I had been in the winepress for a time, I have been drawn to the river. And instead of anticipating its drying up, I am tearing down alters in high places in my heart that I have allowed myself to be sacrifices to. God is calling me back to who He told me I am in Him since I was a child. My identity in Him is being replenished and restored. So I praise Him for endurance and for whatever the next season of lessons will bring. I may not be ready, but I am prepared.  

21 Day Fast: Day 10 Give thanks in all things

Well Relentless fam, its Day 10 of the 21 Day fast and I made it through my 3 day fast inside a fast. Yesterday I was thankful for endurance, today on the my third and last day of my zero in zone, I am thankful for a move of God on my behalf. As I said in Day 8 tag “sometimes God moves an obstacle by promoting them out of your way”. The focus is not on the other person, its on how God is using the situation to get you to where He wants you. Where you need to be for your own good in His purpose. Turns out, that wasn’t a blessing in disguise, it was a blessing and a lesson in the bush. “Trust” God had a ram in the bush for me because His promotion of my obstacle has freed up the people who are willing to assist me but couldn’t because the obstacle that was hemming me in was holding them up. Can we say ‘Daniel’. Didn’t I mention that in yesterdays post. I am beginning to see through the perspective in my pain I was thankful for in Day 8 tag has led me to endurance of the pressure I was thankful for in Day 9 tag until the move of God in His response today. I have got to discipline myself not in the reality of the natural, but in the spirit and truth of the supernatural. God Is. He doesn’t move randomly, He moves “intentionally”. I go back to my regular planned fast tomorrow for the next 11 days, but I am far more conscience of my intentionality in my moments not just with God in my supplication, but in the nuances of His responses to my needs. To be honest, my intentional prayer and supplication has been every evening lifting up other people on the prayer wall. My worship is every morning first thing, but I am learning the areas I am reckless with my intentionality with myself, my time, my gifts and talents. How easily I am swayed to “bury or “hide” my talents” as a result of seeing myself as a grasshopper in my own eyes. So Gideon of me. “But God” calls me a mighty warrior so as I shared on my day 8 tag, I made a bold move and tore down an alter in a high place. Today Saint’s, God responded and the ravens showed out! This brook may very well dry up, but Gods got a widow waiting for me. She may well be at the bottom of that cliff just ahead in my vision, and though the fall was TERRIFYING, like I said before, He showed me I land on my feet and He makes another way. So I am thankful today for a move of God. The lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear. The lord is the strength of my life of whom shall I be afraid…Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. psalm 27:1,3.

21 Day Fast: Day 11 Give thanks in all things

Hey Saints. Or in the words of our Pastor, “Well HELLO Relentless Church” Today is day 11 of our 21 day fast. I am out of my 3 day zero in zone fast within a fast and back on my original intentional fast regimen, which for me is one meal a day within the same short window each day and no social media or television. But I can have my NPR back again though I have restricted the amount of time I can listen. I have been so focused that Ya’ll, I almost missed the inauguration. I had to snap out of my zone in for that. Funny, new president on my third day and last day. Humm? But I digress. So let’s get to it, today I am grateful that God has replaced every alter in high places that I cut down with Himself. He has cut my ties with my enemy and opened a way for me to move forward. He has provided me people whom He has placed me on their hearts. For every alter in a high place you cut down, God will replace it with Himself. Now I don’t know what your alters in high places are, I don’t know what parts of yourself you are allowing to be sacrificed to the Baals of our lives. My Baal was fear and lack of self-worth and my High place was the people whom I let intimidate me out of my gifts. “But God” loves me too much to let me wallow in high places and like Gideon, I am being called to cut them down. Now listen! If God commands you to do a thing, in my case let go of people who do not serve his purpose in me, then if you are obedient, He will provide for your loss. He will stop time to allow for you to win the battle. He will replace all that the locust have eaten. Even if you were the one feeding the locust with your gifts. But you must disengage and cut down what ever alter you are throwing yourself on. God WILL intercede, He will stand in the Gap and fill it with Himself. So, what high places are you lost and wandering in? What alters in those places are you relinquishing your gifts too? A high place could be drugs or alcohol, the alter could be lack of self-worth, or defeat. That’s for you to work out with God, but until you do, you may wander in the wilderness until you recognize who you are in Gods eyes. I know what it is to wander, trust me. 

21 Day Fast: Day 12 Give thanks in all things

O – KEE-DOKIE, today is Day twelve of our intentional fast and I have sooooo many emotions going right now that I’m almost speechless and if you have seen the length of any of my tags you can probably imagine that that is NOT a normal characteristic of mine. “But God” just keeps replacing Alters. So today I thank God for keeping me in remembrance AND mind-blowing intersession. To begin, the focus for today was listed as and SUPPOSED to be intentional growth, which is what I was expecting to hear when I clicked play. But instead she discussed intentional – Ahh – FORgiveness. What! Anyone who has read or even skimmed (which I highly doubt) my tags over the last 12 days know where I am on THAT. Praying for those who have sabotaged me, set me up and left me out to dry after I served them ‘relentlessly’. Left me hanging, used me for their own gain, stole my scholarship, on and on and on…I have been st-RUG-galin to let it go. So, I prayed for them with intentional prayers and watched the main one actually get blessed and promoted leaving me with some very damaging unfinished business. That said, I have been wrestling with this, working intentionally on this fast to look at that things through Gods eyes. I literally prayed last night for God to help me hold on to the new “perspective in my pain” from my previous tag so I can cut down the alter of resentment. Even though he has blessed me by, as I said in my last post, promoting my obstacle out of my way, and out of the way of those who want to work on my behalf; and might I say, things are blazing Saints, I mean blazing like they never have in all the years I was tied to the alter of my obstacle. Yet – my mind would wander right back to rumbling and anger and hashing over wasted time and betrayals. UHG! Then came this morning. What a shock to my soul! Another wink from God, to let it go. A reminder of “Look I do a new thing, can you not see it?” Don’t look back at the boat I just gave you permission to climb out of, come to me, keep your eye on me, we can walk right pass the boat and go the other side together. Did I not tell you to meet me there? Why would I tell you to go somewhere and let you parish half way through the journey? The storm is of no consequence, it belongs to me. If the boat starts to sink, get out and walk with me, I am your navigator, I am all the boat you need. So that was the beginning of my day. But that, Saints, was ONLY the beginning, when the shoe did eventually fall – and it did fall – it was a different kind of knock on the head. As the day progressed, I received an email from my university about a student. I cringed as all I could think was “what now” I immediately slipped into “here comes that other shoe” mode. I had such negative feelings about the history of my experiences that I almost deleted it. But then I remembered – God is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear, and I remembered don’t think with resentment God is in the midst of doing a new thing can I not see it? I am walking on the water now why would I allow myself to look back at what he just got me out of and move on the memory he has just commanded me to release this very morning? So, I opened it. I could not believe what I read. It was a letter of commendation. My mouth dropped to the floor. Apparently, a student I had in one class four years ago who is now graduating responded to a request to submit a comment about any teacher, professor or instructor who has affected them their undergraduate experience. What she wrote brought me to tears. They didn’t say her name but only included the short comment she submitted. After I read it and saw which class, I knew exactly who it was. This young woman had apparently held this in her heart for four years. At the end of her comment she stated. I just wanted to take this opportunity to find a way to thank her for caring so much. All I could think was “God gave me a 9th leper” to let me know I am doing His will and His will cannot be sabotaged. As I finished the letter through my tears I noticed at the end of the page, after the salutation, it stated, “This letter has been forwarded to your supervisor” and the name was of one of the very people (One of the high priests),who went out of their way to sabotage my progress, and who had actually succeeded in pushing me off of my course from which I eventually fled to the wine press. But now I am at the Brook Cherith and as my dad said to me today “When God takes hold of your battles, if you let them go, he handles them thoroughly and relentlessly. Saints, that was the most beautiful shoe that has ever dropped on my head! A shoe dropped by a raven with meat in it. It knocked me right off of a stubborn alter in a high place that God is giving me the strength and strategy to cut down, resentment. Forgiveness leaves space for God to intercede.

21 Day Fast: Day 15 Give thanks in all things

All right, I have been off my schedule for two full days, but not with out cause. So much has happened since my fast within a fast. Speaking of which, Pastor set me free so much on Sunday when he shared how he had to adjust his fast. Whew chile, can I say I had just lifted my adjustment in prayer before he said what he said. See how God zeroed in on that small prayer? Man the timing! Anywho, I can just give thanks for Gods timing on that note, but keeping that in mind, that is what this praise tag is about today. As I have shared, I zeroed into a God zone on water for three days of silence and stillness to hear the whisper of Gods marching orders for me (see my tags from day one – day 12). Then I returned to my regular intentional fasting plan (which I ended up adjusting anyway – but I digress). I made the bold move to cut down my first alter in high places and then ran like Gideon and Elisha back to the brook (Elisha) in my wine press (Gideon) and wait for the ravens (and yes, before I am branded a mini Medea, I am aware that I am mixing my scriptures). Saints all I can say is I cut an ran, I didn’t look back but when it fell it made a ripple affect and cleared a path that I promise I would never have expected. When the alter fell, It cut me loose – completely – no strings, no connections, no yokes. God is re-opening my inner eyes to His agency in me to do what ever it is He has set before me to accomplish and complete. His timing is everything regardless of what jumps up and out at me “Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident”. psalm 27:1,3. Its what God is commanding of me so I praise Him and thank Him that even though I may see a gap in my situation with my natural eyes, I will see him standing in the gap if I close them and seek Him with my spiritual eye. I will look up and see an Host of the Mighty God surrounding my enemy. I may be in the middle, but if the enemy moves on me, the Hosts move on the enemy and we know who’s got the final Blow! They will not be able to take me out because Gods word is in me, His purpose in on my life and It’s not POSSIBLE for me to return to Him void – He said so in His word.

21 Day Fast: Day 16 Give thanks in all things

Wow, can ya believe we are 16 days into our 21 days? This is tag of thanks number 14, since I was consumed Saturday and Sunday with all the movement from that first alter falling! Having said that, for me, this last 16 days has not been without so many heart and head lessons learned. As God has been guiding me in cutting down the alters in high places in my life, I have to say that I am so thankful for the roundabout. As I have poured myself into this 21 day Fast, I realized I almost let the fast itself become a High Place. Crazy right? I was so focused on meeting my requirements of the fast that I lost sight of my own intent, to hear from God. Throughout these last 16 days, as He has been speaking and moving in my situation I forgot – He is always moving, we just may not be privy to his motion. Sometimes he is incognito, like with Jacob, and we’re so busy wrestling to validate our own version of ourselves that we don’t realize what we are really wrestling with is Gods intentions for our lives. So – He breaks a hip and alters our walk. This time, God had to make me understand, it was not a move of God I needed, because like I said, He was moving the whole time. His intent was for me to be connected to Him in a way that allowed me to hear His still small voice. The fast ended up, for me, abstaining from the noise. I learned that in my 3-day water fast within the fast. Turns out, it wasn’t abstaining from the food that poised me, sure that provided a physical discipline as a means to stay in remembrance, but it was the absolute silence for three days that allowed me to hear him and to begin to recognize not just the visions He has given me, but the order in which things where developing and coming to pass. I had stopped listening to the steps I was asking Him to order and He had to do a roundabout with my focus. I said this in one of my other tags, His orders, His steps, His way. I had to retreat from the plans I had designed for myself, the systems I had created, the schedule I had developed for a discipline I had ordered for myself based what I understood of the vision He place in me. All that is fine in the natural it’s all good practice, but God didn’t want my good practice, He wanted my attention. It’s like when I would tell my kindergarteners to put their pencils down so we could move on to the next thing. But a few of them wouldn’t stop because they were obsessed with proving they could perfect tracing their letters. They had good intentions, but they missed the point. Had they only looked up when I spoke to them and put down the crayon as I had directed, they would have been given a pencil and a fresh new piece of paper and seen we were on to a knew thing, using those letters to make actual words. Making words is what they all wanted to begin with, tracing letters was just a means to an appointed end. An end actually to surpass mere words but to create sentences with those words. to learn Skills they knew not to even ask, think or imagine. I had to learn to put my crayon down. I had to learn to hear God, because you cannot listen to what you cannot hear, and you cannot hear if you’re not paying attention. So, the brook was Gods way of making me stop. Be still. Hear. Listen. Like Israel, He had to lead me the roundabout way, give me time to cut down alters and recover. He provided me with all that I needed while I am in waiting, all that I needed to cut alters down and get free from the high places then roundabout back to the brook to wait, hear, listen, until He dries up the brook and orders me to step beyond tracing letters, beyond words onto sentences I don’t even know to think, ask or imagine. So, I thank God today for the roundabout. His orders, His steps, His way.

Every day I wake up has been a blessing. God has sustained not just myself but my entire family through this pandemic. Lots of changes have happened in my family and it has all been for our good. God is soooooo good. I am truly grateful.

I am so humbled to share with you about my Journey with Jesus. I submitted my life to Christ about 20 years ago. I call it a Journey because it is a walk with Christ Jesus on daily basis. It is also a journey with a destination and that destination is Heaven. Remember what Jesus said; I have gone to make a place for you so that wherever I am you may be there also. It is also a journey full of rules and regulations to be followed.
Let I be open and say that I have been experiencing ups and downs in this journey which I began as a single man and now am a family man. During the year 2008 after getting married in the year 2006 things began to change. Before getting married I was a vibrant youth leader in our City. I was fully committed as a youth leader. I used to experience the move of God in a mighty way. When I got married I stopped been a youth chairman because in our church for one to be a youth chairman should not be married. I was just going to church without responsibilities. Things changed completely in the year 2012. I began getting drunk, not going to church regularly and did many things for about 8 years. God began to speak to me in the year 2019. Early Last year 2020 God spoke to me and told me to draw nigh unto Him and He will draw nigh unto me. For about almost 10 years without hearing God speak to me and experiencing the move of God, I can now hear Him, see Him ,feel Him, and known Him. Obedience is our Key to Victory. Yes I can live and walk in the spirit again, I can live in light and walk in Light again. Yes I can live and walk by faith and not sight. I can now cooperate with my friend and great teacher the Holy Spirit. Gods grace is sufficient to me. His mercies are new every morning. He is a faithful God. He has restored me.
Yes I have lost friends but now I have a friend who sticks closer than a brother. In this journey you only need to allow the Holy spirit to guide you and teach you and you shall be more than a conqueror in Jesus name. The enemy wanted to kill me and destroy me but God said NO, William has an assignment to do.
God bless you all.

I am able to go to church again! I fought for it but the agency said ok.

I am Thankful that the Lord saved me and helped me . I stopped bad habits that I picked up by not only my surrounding s but from the hurt i was dealing with and trying to hide. I thank God for freeing me, and being able to finally move forward and not be stagnant. I thank God for getting me out my toxic long term relationship and removing all those who meant me no good and removed them out my life. Lord I love you and I know you will continue to work within me. I use to stop bible study to go and answer a call to help someone or just giving people car rides and began putting God on the back burner because I thought that helping people was what he wanted me to do. so i would put myself last and put everyone that was around me first. my kids was eating late, seeing me less, clothes not being washed because i chose to stop and help those around me because i have it in me to help and if i could i would at the drop of a hat. but what was crazy was i was putting things before and even though I know helping people pleases him it will not be put above him because i was losing everything spiritually physically going through an eviction while still helping others and forgot all about God at times untill God i believed heard a statement a friend of mine said to me on the phone which was ” if i need you, you got to help me and i need to make sure that you will, so if i call i dont wanna hear you’re to busy” and forgive me Lord if that wasnt 100% of what she said but im sure most was and litterally that evening my phone ended up breaking. My car began smoking and I could no longer drive it. i have to be out my home even still by march 31st which is still coming up, my kids arent listening, and my leg swelled up from my injury that previously occured. and he removed all of that to get my attention. and it’s showing me to always focused and trust in him, yes i can help people and i dont have to so it all the time. its ok to say no. and not be scared of what they may say. im learning to have faith and put God first above all else, and through all of this all the people i helped is nowhere to be found but God is here with me strengthening me for his good and I cannot do anything but thank him for continuosly molding me and healing me but most importantly forgiving me and loving me. and i know this is not the end only the beginning of the new life he created within me. Thank You Lord! I love You

My name is Martine, I am originally from Haiti raised in New York. In 2017, I moved back to Haiti to run my children’s home. However, in July of 2019 a horrific event brought me back to the US. I could not understand why God would root me out of Haiti after He called me to go there. However, I continue to trust Him as He brought me to California, a place that is my least favorite place to be.

At the beginning of the year Pastor called for the 21 days fast and I participated. I prayed that God would give me a teaching job with a certain minimum salary. At the end of January I received a call from a well known Montessori school interested in hiring me. When the fast ended and the intentional offering was opened, I felt led by the Holy Spirit to give a certain amount that I did not have but I obeyed. I started working on February 25th with a salary of on hundred fold what I gave. GLORY BE TO GOD for his faithfulness even when we are faithless. Thank you Holy Spirit for speaking to me. Thank you Pastor Gray for allowing the Holy Spirit to work through you. Thank you for allowing the Spirit of God to flow as He pleases.

God has been blessing my family and me exponentially. I believe it was because of my obedience and not complaining. My children in Haiti although they are going through a lot, they are healthy and well. Please pray for Haiti, the devil has taken up residence in a country that God has continuously delivered.

I am part of the internet community and am grateful for Pastor Gray and the Relentless Church.

May God continues to use you for His glory. Continue to be humble and letting Him lead you. I thank God for finding you.

Hello everyone,

My husband and I have been ROC members with Relentless from the beginning. We are in Charlotte, NC and would make visiting the church a small getaway on some weekends. We knew the first time we heard Pastor Gray speak, he was hour pastor. Through it all we have not wavered in knowing Relentless is where we belong. I believe, since we have not wavered and have continued to give and support Pastor Gray and family, God has blessed us with an opportunity to start our own business. God is still working even in the middle of covid-19. We wanted to thank the relentless family for being strong, and prayerful for the church and our leadership. I would like to offer our information for any member, friends and family who maybe looking for a flexible work schedule to work from home. Thank you and we love you. Please contact:

Chavay & Dametrice White
C & D Personal Touch, LLC
Work from Home Needs
[email protected]
https://fb.me/chavayanddametriceworld
https://m.me/chavayanddametriceworld

This is from my email May 5th, 2021 its my praise report over student loans I am a ROC Memeber.

Dear RADENA,

Your Total and Permanent Disability discharge application was approved by the U.S. Department of Education 
on 04/19/2021. 
The request to have your loans transferred to the Total and Permanent Disability Servicer was sent to 
DEPT OF ED/FEDLOAN SERVICING(PHEAA) on 05/04/2021.

STUDENT LOANS
FED LOAN SERVICING
Reported: Mar. 31, 2021
$246,381.00

You mentioned student loans during service on Mother’s Day so here is my report YES you may share it!
God Bless

I wanted to take a moment and thank you Pastor Gray. Last night I was watching a sermon you preached at Lakewood church a couple of years ago. You had asked for Mothers of three children who were having troubles paying the rent to come forward there was about 6 Mothers who stood at the altar. I just wanted you to know the same thing happened to me the very next day. Someone gave me a 1000.00 and I asked why they replied so you dont have to worry. Now I have the rent money with 200.00 extra. I have applied for my SSI and am waiting for it to process so during this time I am waiting on my stimulus to come through to pay rent for two months but IRS sent it to the wrong address they said it would cycle back around to the correct address. I am in a season of trust and Father in heaven has provided. Pastor John I have been listening to you for a couple of years now and I hear you when you are wearied but keep going because your voice and heart are such a blessing. Sometimes I listen to your sermons over and over just to keep me company. There is something about your voice that speaks into me. I have tried listening to other pastors but the same sense of love is not heard there. I am reminded of Jesus’ words, my sheep hear my voice yet they will run from a stranger. You and your family are so beautiful to me. Thank you for your service unto us widows.

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I prayed and asked for healing between My Son and his 17 year old, to mend their relationship, God is good! They are back to being close again. Thank you for coming into agreement with me. I have not move back to Louisiana yet. but God spoke to me and said it will be in his timing not mine. But hopefully by my birthday in July I will visit Relentless Church, South Carolina. Again Thank you. I watch every Sunday morning the 8:30 am service. When I a feeling a little down, I go back an watch repeat services, It brings my Spirit back up. Love you guys!!!

Pastor John,

Though I live in Detroit, MI, I have been connected to the Relentless Ministry since your inception. I officially joined as a ROC Online member early last year. The “Intentional” series has totally blessed my life. The reason I love sowing into your ministry is because of the giving spirit you and Pastor Aventar possess. Watching you give almost every service inspires me to give more than just my bi-weekly tithes. And your prophecies have come to past in my life because I am a “cheerful giver”. I had an interview on Monday, June 7th (yesterday) for a position with Goodwill Industries International. On Tuesday, June 8th (today) I was extended an offer with a starting salary of twice as much as I currently make. In my entire 32 year career, I have NEVER made as much money annually as I will be making in this new position. WON’T HE DO IT??? But I attribute it all to this ministry connection. The more I make, the more I can sow!!! Let the wheel of BLESSINGS keep on turning.

God bless you pastor John, and may God continue to bless RELENTLESS Church!

I was listening to a sermon, you gave testimony about putting your hand in the dirt and prayed over it for your home. At that same moment I received a call from a subsidized apartment place, in one day my name on the waiting list went from 16 to called. I have no SSI income but they are accepting my food delivery money to figure out my monthly rent. This is only Jesus. How does one apply for an apartment for Senior/Disabled with no set income from Social Security and gets called? I listen to your sermons over and over even from years ago and they are still timely to me. There is just something about your voice and how you give us an example to be bold while walking humbly. Thank you….Thank you Father in heaven

Greetings,
My name is Jessi Cain …. business women, daughter of the most high God, mother, everything God has called me to be (reminded by Q. Gadson) I literally have been following and giving online since 3 years ago. My children and I will gather around and enjoy the word, laugh, cry, learn, heal etc. My two year old is our praise dancer and Mrs. Aventar has commented on one of his INSTAGRAM videos which tickled all of us. But the holy spirit has lead me to get in contact immediately after watching “Q’s” sermon.
Four days ago I told the authority’s for the 1st time that I have been in a marriage for 18 years in which my children and I have survived sexual narcissistic abuse and were being groomed. I was only educated about 2 months ago when my husband had a mental brake down and begin to reveal information of being involved in child prostitution rings and had made money exploiting children including our own.
Needless to say I was devastated confused in shock you name it… I’ve been with him since 16 and he is the father to all our children we were the model for the perfect couple. Beautiful family educated prestigious if you could. Ever since high school everyone knew us as J&J never one with out the other. I helped him find God before we were of age and we experienced having our 1st child 07 (Jordan now 14) at 19 years old moved from his home state of Delaware to my home state of Florida and created a life for ourselves. Went to school gained careers …perfect :-\ Had our second child 2010 a daughter named Julai (pronounced July) life was great he was so excited to have a girl. The million dollar man family they would tell my husband Beautiful wife son 1st daughter 2nd just needed a dog and white picket fence right?
I started to notice marital issues… I was over weight he would say or your working to much or your coworkers have more attention then the children and himself. Of course I addressed this and asked what I could do… he wanted to pick back up and move back to Delaware. For the life of me I still don’t know what made me think that it would help. We left my thriving life job, community, church, friends, everything in 2011 and went back. Now this is the place were my husband spent his whole life. As for me I was a military kid so I had been many places in life before marriage. We gained employment at a adult detoxification center and begin to pour into our community. I noticed a change in him like he was more comfortable being back amongst his peers and family. I was happy about that but, over time I noticed he started to become distant and hanging with people I had never met. I remember starting to feel uneasy, at this point its round 2013. Our son had stared school and I was making the best of it as I wanted to please my husband and I wanted what was best for our family. After some years went by we found a church home and became really involved which I was very happy as I love to serve the Lord!!
My husband unknown to my self had been fired from his job, later I found out that he was caught masturbating and watching child pornography at his security job. I was forced to get another job as there was not many in the small town he is from but thanks be to God I did find one. During this time I noticed my husband stopped going to church became really depressed and was looking like a demonic image someone I never saw. I started to become anxious leaving him alone with our daughter as she was not in daycare and finding my self rushing home from work or church or making sure I took her with me everywhere I went. I would come home and nothing would be done the house would smell or sex and a male locker room, my daughter would be in her room alone and I began to question him about it.
Anyway to make a long story sort we went through a lot I set him up with counseling regular and Christian based also numbers to sex addiction and pornography addiction. He started to go and things seemed to be getting better. He finally found a job and things were back to normal so to speak. Fast forward to 2018 I’m pregnant with our 3rd son (Jaysean… Mrs. Av’s guy) and we were staying in the church’s community home preparing for mission to Africa as that was our desire to be mission workers. My husband had obtained with my help a managerial job at the University of Delaware campus running one of the many student dinning halls. I was not working for the 1st pregnancy of my life and had maternity leave and was happy to finally be able to really connect maternal in this way. I did notice we had had become distant again and God had me in a space of silence (as a wife I’m sure Mrs. Gray would understand) At this point there had been infidelity along the years marriage counseling and no healing he would not admit to or acknowledge any fault over the years or wrong doing rather in front of just me or a pastor or a group. So in my spirit I knew he was having an affair but I was focused on my mental health and our mission so I didn’t invade this time God told me it was his son and I left that there.
Fast-forward Oct 23,2018 Jaysean is born 3 months early and is in the NICU. They informed me that he would not be able to come home for at least 3 months. Complete devastation came upon me post partum depression everything over all the years of trying to hold together came tumbling down. I was in a mental institution for a week placed on medications and upon my arrival at home was met with a husband who seemed to be Satan himself. I was told I must follow a certain set of rules that we were moving back to Florida with or with out our son and that I was to tell no one of our where bouts, that I was never attractive smart helpful or added anything to his life and I was lucky he was even making arrangements to help me in this weak state. I was delusional and complied he informed me that I was useful for sex at least and if I wanted to see my children I was to continue to provide that because as a wife worth nothing it was my obligation.
Thanks be to God my infant son fought strong he came home 5 days before my husband had planned for us to leave. A women I had met in the NICU donated he breast milk for my son when I was in the mental hospital because she knew I was doing my best to continue to breast feed. I don’t know that women’s name till this day but it was an angel IM sure. We end up in Florida and are hotel hoping I find a call center job across from the hotel and try my best to work all the hours I could to contribute and to simply keep things from getting worse or making my husband get any ideas about taking my children. He ended up getting a security job at a prostitution infested motel, I didn’t question it as I was so desperate for us to have a home. Eight months we lived there filthy drug addicts, he worked over night. I stared homeschooling my children. The holy spirit was leading me to keep them close. I found an agency to help with housing and they were arranging a brand new condo for our family paid for an entire year! I informed my husband of the great news, he was not happy he asked me why I did that behind his back. I did not care I told him things weren’t moving fast enough and God was leading me to make contact with this this agency. I asked if he had any money saved to put towards getting the electric started, that’s when I found out he wasn’t even getting a paystub, I asked were the money he had been making for 8 months been going he informed me he was working for free to pay for our hotel. Flabbergasted!!!!!
I knew he had cash sometimes but I was so determined to get us to that home…God is so good because the 200$ we needed was provided by a stranger! Not two years into living in our new beautiful home did my husband have a mental break down. He started to disclose how he was involved in child prostitution rings and had been compensated in DE and FL for recruiting and grooming that he was well known as ‘BIG BIRD” in this community, that he had made money exploiting our children he had groomed me to never know!!!!! Molested himself by family members and his older brother and taught that it was normal and that he may have fathered some of his younger cousins but wasn’t sure and that a cousin I knew since we met was the child of his aunt and uncle who are brother and sister!!!! All these terms and info were new to me and by pure grace and mercy God had me to check him into a faculty and he was bakers act. In one week the children and myself researched sooooooo much info we found that this was a whole process and world and basically how human trafficking worked!!!! We told the authority’s and now are in the shelter.
Q if you read this thanks.. everything I needed in me I already had! I woke today in distress trying to still process how someone like myself couldn’t see this or suspect this I’ve tried on many armors over this 18 years trying to figure out my husband. But God was already building me… he knew what I could handle. Your sermon made me realize that even though it looked like to me I was backwards I wasn’t! It was intentional for me to find out in this way…No one can stop all he has for me…I’m still me. No matter how great or anointed someone my be or seem God still knew me he knew I would be brave enough and strong enough!
Brah in transparency I pray for your future wife and children may they be blessed and follow you in victory in the mission God has over your life. May you find all that your looking for may he grow you and fill you and expand your ministry with in. I was so drawn by your delivery and expression for God for teaching! I appreciate the way you articulate your confidence in what God has placed in you and yet patiently and humbly serve in your lane! the way you honored the Father and Mother of the house and those that pour into them in their time of need. I respect the humility displayed so strong and gentle at the same time w/out degrading yourself!
Yall If this never makes it to anyone cool in all transparency I have no idea besides obedience, why God would have me share this. Side note all jokes aside I noticed Q ain’t have no ring on that finger bay bay and Lord you know my hearts desire to connected to a true follower an honorable man of God. I loved being a wife but I must heal in Christ for this one.. lol very handsome. I’m done just wanted to end off with a lil real Jess. Have a bless day ROC fam xoxoxoxoxo

-Jessi Cain
CEO NHOUZE INC
[email protected]
[email protected]

(p.s. Pastor John & Av I want to personally congratulate and thank you, your public display through your marriage has blessed me … you all will continue to be in my prayers yall got this! And Mr. John listen AV is that chic OK period lol never forget it!!)

Thank you Pastor John for your sermon on Sunday which touched my heart and healed some old wounds. Years ago, before my husband and I divorced for the second time, I went to have a conference with my local minister. I was very distraught, because we were not getting along and he was making some questionable decisions for our family (in my opinion). I was very upset and I thought the pastor could help if and when I could ever get my husband to church. The pastor said something that struck me hard in my heart and soul. He said, “your husband is the head of your household and you need to do what you husband tells you because he is the lead.” I have been haunted by that for many years, because in the back of my mind, I thought that I should have done more to save my marriage. I thought maybe if I would have taken that advice, no matter where it led, I would have still been married. I remember telling my pastor about the decisions that I felt were really harmful to our family. I remember arguing my point that I had no problem following my husband once he follows God. I asked him if my husband is falling off a cliff do I grab my kids so that we can all fall off the cliff with him. My husband was not only not following God, but he would stop speaking to me for days at a time, because I went to church. I was sad about it. I never wanted to be a single parent. I wanted to keep my family together, but I saw my children acting out because of the toxic environment that we had. Sometimes it was just an environment of silence with hostile undertones which was worst than the arguments at times. So, I carried that guilt on my heart about my not being able to keep my family together and about not following my pastor’s advice and following my husband.

When you made reference to that very thing in your sermon, something heavy lifted off of me that I have been carrying for decades. You said that the husband must submit to God, and you also elaborated a bit with different examples. You said that you did not know why you were saying that, because it was not in your notes. I take it as a gift from God as he frees me from the shackles that have held me back for years.

Thank you man of God, Pastor John Gray, for following what God has for you to do and say. I am a member of the Roc family, and I am proud to call Relentless my church home. God Bless Relentless church! I do not take our church for grant. I pray daily for us all!